If phoning from your private number use number blocking. In the UK, this can be done by dialling 141 before the phone number. Don't make transferred charge calls as your number will appear on their phone bill.
Be cautious about sharing abduction and rape fantasies. This is a white card for abuse. How can you go to the police to get someone charged with rape when that person has emails and other evidence showing that this is what you asked for and is proclaiming that he was just going along with your desires.
Verify their existence in BDSM. Ask around to see if anyone else has met the person in real life or has scened with him/her, or if anyone has had a bad experience with this person. Do not ask your meet partner to name people themselves because they could quite easily arrange for good reports to be given even if it means creating a new persona to fulfil the task.
Check their background: full name, home and work addresses, home, work and mobile numbers, car make and registration number. A lot of this information can be verified at 118500.co.uk (in the UK, see link at bottom of page). Free registration provides a limited access to information but it's usually enough to verify name, address and phone number. This at least tells you that a person of that name exists at the address given. If you have had phone contact and the phone number fits with the one given in the directory at least you have a little more proof that the person is who he says he is.
Get an up-to-date photo and be cautious if the person who approaches doesn't match the image.
Make sure that friends or family have all the details of the person and of the meeting.
Arrange for a friend to be your safe call. Obviously choose someone who can be near-by. It's little help if your friend is an hour away up the motorway or busy at work and can't leave. Choose your safe caller yourself from amongst your close and trusted friends rather than accept an offer from someone. It is not beyond the realms of possibility that a sub will set out to procure a non-consenting partner for a sadist and offering to be your safe call would mean that your safety is compromised and people will not be alerted to your plight until it is too late. Provide this friend with all the personal information of your meet partner and the details of the time and place of the meeting. Consider how stupid it will sound at the police station if your friend has to report you missing and all they can say is "S/he was meeting a person called Whiplash2001 in London somewhere". If you are the safe caller take the time to check out the information given to you. A genuine and safe "meet" will not object to being checked out in this way. Also make sure you know exactly where the meet venue is and get a phone number for the place whereever possible.
Phone your friend when you arrive at the meeting place and again when you are safely clear of the meeting. In the meantime have your friend phone at some point during the meeting. Arrange a "safe phrase" which will let your friend know if you are ok or in trouble; for example: "by the way, the cheque arrived this morning so I'm happy" for a positive response, or "that cheque didn't arrive can you sort it out for me" as a cry for help. One very good suggestion we've seen is to give the okay/not okay message in the way you address your safe caller when s/he rings by using her online name for one message and her real name for the other.
Decide beforehand what action you want your friend to take if you fail to answer the phone at all. Never use sms text messages for your safety call. Your meet partner could easily send out an "I'm okay" message to everyone in your phone's address book. You will have several confused friends but the safe call friend will also get the "okay" message. If arrangements are changed at the last minute back out of the meeting and re-schedule. It's hard to do but last minute changes compromise your safety. An alternative to having a safe call is to take a friend. They need not be an obvious companion unless you wanted that. A friend sitting in the bar or cafe could keep an eye of things from a discrete distance. They would be able to see if anything was dropped in your food or drink if you were absent from the table. Don't forget that if things feel wrong you don't have to wait for the safe caller to ring before letting them know. You can easily make an excuse to leave the bar or table and disappear to the toilets with your phone in your bag or pocket and phone out from there.
Don't arrange to scene on the first meeting. This has to be common sense. If it helps, picture a friend telling you how she went to a hotel room with a man she'd never met before and let him tie and gag her. Doesn't sound safe, does it? Even with male subs – don't assume that you have the advantage of body strength over a female Domme … once you are tied and gagged you are as helpless and vulnerable as a child. Do not get into his/her car. You were told this as a child and it still holds true as an adult "Never accept lifts from strangers!" Meet in a public place and stay there. Little harm can come to you in a public place. This does not mean every outdoor location is safe. Car parks, for example, are not safe places. A café, restaurant or bar is by far the safest choice. Do not leave personal belongings unattended. Your wallet in your jacket, your handbag, are bound to contain items that give your name and address and at this point you have no idea whether your meet partner is the stalking type. Never leave your mobile phone unattended as you risk sms messages being sent that could compromise your safe calls. Do not leave food and drink unattended either … something could be slipped into your drink or food that could render you vulnerable. Do not get drunk. You cannot keep yourself safe if your senses are weakened by alcohol. Don't arrange to stay at their place. This is simple common sense. Remember that this person is a stranger, an unknown. Don't have them collect you from or deliver you to airport/station. Ok, this isn't easy and may seem impractical but by being collected it means that your meet partner will know the hotel you are staying at or might even go straight for abduction. Likewise they might not be keen to let you return home after the visit. So why risk it? Take a cab. Your friend can always meet you at the airport to wave you off. Don't give details of hotel or room number Keep in touch with friends and family at home. Arrange regular times for calling home. Apart from the fact that it will stop your family and friends from fretting over you, it will also alert them if something goes wrong.
Never be too proud to admit you got it wrong If things go wrong tell others about it .. you can stop it happening to someone else. Don't be afraid to walk away from a bad situation Keep yourself safe .. you're worth the effort If, after reading all this, you just decide to trust to instinct do your BDSM friends a favour. Leave your address book at home and remove their numbers from your mobile phone because, when your body is finally found in a ditch or shallow grave, they are not going to want to have to explain their S&M connections to the investigating police.
