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APPARATUS
FOR BOYS |
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This
frightening mechanism, invented in 1848 by Scottish physician John
Moodie, continues to be a favourite among kids of all ages. Equipped with
a penile tube that acts as a plunger, it hinders erections by
restricting blood flow to the genitals. Despite its enduring popularity,
the penile cylinder can be easily detached and ingested, posing a
choking hazard to unsupervised children.
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SPIKE-LINED RING |
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While
effective in preventing nocturnal emissions and other accidental
displays of nighttime sexuality, the metal daggers (which require some
assembly) have extremely sharp edges that can cause face or hand
lacerations if not affixed correctly. Severe corneal abrasions can also
occur when used as a projectile |
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STEPHENSON
SPERMATIC TRUSS |
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First
patented in 1876, this family-friendly device places the penis in an
alarmingly uncomfortable metal pouch, which is then stretched between
the legs and securely bound. The penile pouch is composed of zinc and
copper plates that generate an electric current if the wearer becomes
aroused. Although the cage is insulated, some children may experience a
mild shocking sensation if touched by the face or hands |
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LADY'S
SECRET |
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The girls
go wild for this fashionable cooter-inhibitor. But some tests have
indicated the fabric is composed of synthetic polyester fibers that may
be flammable. While third-degree burns will certainly discourage
masturbatory instincts, this item is not recommended for children under
the age of eight months |
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JAWS OF
SENSIBILITY
|
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The Jaws
of Sensibility contain several layers of masturbation defense that can
be a ticking time bomb for your child. The inner layer - made from a
durable and rusty metal - may cause strangulation if not operated under
close parental supervision. The outer layer, composed mostly of jagged
spikes, could result in severe penile bleeding if used as directed. |
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SPERMATORRHEA BANDAGE
|
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Don't be fooled by the label. This toy shares
very few characteristics with a "bandage." Though successful in
eliminating unsightly erections, this device should never be placed in a
crib because of the risk of entanglement. Oh, and did I mention the
spikes? Yeah, those can't be very safe.
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BOWEN
DEVICE
|
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This
horrific contraption, which plucks large chunks of pubic hair at the
first sign of erection, has been known to cause physical trauma - mostly
due to the pain associated with the forceful removal of public hair.
There is also a potential for head or spinal injuries if blunt impact is
made with the face or neck. |
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LEATHER
CORSET
|
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Dr.
Fleck's celebrated invention, which first caused a consumer feeding
frenzy in 1831, surrounds the entire body with "steel armour to prevent
access to excitable organs, especially the testicles." The genital hood
is constructed from a metal shown to contain high levels of lead, which
could result in lead toxicity. |
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PENIS-COOLING DEVICE
|
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Frank
Orth's brutal concoction, a hit since 1893, provides libidinal relief to
dirty boys with no self-control, cooling the organs with a stream of
cool water after mercilessly punishing their erections. The device
includes a tiny slot for urination, which may trap a small finger and
result in hand injury. |
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THE CAGE
|
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The Handbook of Medicine (the "Toys R Us" of its
day) first offered this painful penile sheath in 1885. A locking
mechanism makes it impossible to remove without adult assistance, but
insufficient ventilation holes could suffocate a child if improperly
placed over the nose or mouth. Packaging also includes a small key,
which may pose a choking hazard to infants. |
