The " custodian" and I have been friends for such a long time, nothing more, nothing less.
Well until " that" night, or should I say early morning!
We had spent a very enjoyable evening, just chatting, with Helen, though she left about 10pm.
She had brought some rope, more I think to wind me up (no pun intended)!
Anyway I am rambling, what else is new!
I will get there eventually, well I did, didn't I??
At about 5am, the custodian suggested we should try Helen's rope, though slightly apprehensive, I agreed, Little did I know what would follow!
Ghosty flip I am still waffling!
I suppose my only excuse is that it was and is all new to me, both the experience, and my change of feelings towards the custodian
Anyway, after, shall we call it a slight practice run, it was decided we should go upstairs. I have to say that this point I was extremely nervous, I was excited but scared. Not scared of him, that would never happen, I trust him absolutely, and have done for a long time, No I was scared of how I felt, and more importantly of how our relationship was about to change.
I knew there would be no going back, but what would I do if it changed everything, I did not want to lose this friendship, which was and is so precious to me.
Anyway to get back to the task in hand! We adjourned to the bedroom, where, having never been in this position, I awaited instructions! I was so scared, oh of lots of things, my emotions were all over the place, as well as my previous worries, what if I was a disappointment, I have no illusions about myself, and know he liked me, as a friend, but was this just an experiment, a " one off", or were we embarking on a " proper " relationship!
Ghosty flip, I know I am not making any sense, in my head I am, but in black and white, I appear an illiterate imbecile!
How can I describe how he made me feel, wonderful, does not even begin to cover it
Anyway, I am doing it again, aren't I!
He proceeded to practise his art! Though he was to remark later that the rope was more suited to climbing a small mountain!
Wonder was that a comparison!
I so wanted to please this man, but of course being me, I disappointed. His " artwork" felt wonderful, the only downside to that was I couldn't touch him, The blindfold was good, again a downside, I couldn't see him!
Then came the point when I felt such a failure, On the few occasions I have been gagged, I have always had a slight problem, maybe it is a psychological thing, but of course, I let him down, I got really stressed about the gag.
Is it the gag, per se? Or is it, a combination of being tied and blindfolded at the same time. What I do know is that it is not a reflection on him. I trust him implicitly.
I truly did try to persevere. He was very patient and understanding, and allowed the gag to be removed.
What other emotions was I feeling?
Well, excited, aroused maybe? No maybe about it, I was definitely excited and aroused, more than I had been in a long long time.
I was experiencing such conflicting emotions, fear, excitement, apprehension, Worry that I was not pleasing him, worse even that I was repulsing him, You may have noticed I am not big on self confidence in certain situations!
It is so hard to articulate, I didn't want it to stop, yet part of me did, so that it could happen again!
I was definitely multi orgasmic, was this I wondered off putting for him. My mind was in turmoil.
Do I regret it? Oh no, how could I regret how this man made me feel. Ghosty flip am almost orgasmic thinking about it!
I know I am making a complete mess of this "task", but how can I truly describe how I felt and feel still feel.
What this man did to me was amazing, even the pain, and I am no stranger to pain, but this was wonderful.
Knowing that this man wanted to do this with me and to me felt so good.
Of course, I still had concerns; I am old enough to belong to the " will he still respect me in the morning" generation!
That was important to me, because this man was and hopefully will remain my friend
I am sure I have failed this task miserably, for this I apologise, and promise to endeavour to do better in future
There I go being presumptuous, Is there a future?
I do hope so.
I know our situations preclude as much time as I at least would like. I also hope I do not spoil it all by being my usual insecure self.
I did wonder if it would have been easier, if we hadn't already been friends, but then if we hadn't been, it wouldn't have happened.
Now I look forward to future "assignations" with the custodian, and live in hope that he feels the same way. I just hope I don't die in despair!
Well, this is my diatribe. I apologise for the lack of quality and quantity!
Will just say thank you xx
Ghosty flip, I have just re read that, it is horrendous!
©2007 Terri/MN