my Awakening 
This past year, i have experienced the most amazing life changing and life settling transition.
i remember first joining alt.com. i remember my initial interest, how my heart raced inside my chest and feeling the incredible guilt of even having joined alt. i felt slightly ashamed and guilty.
i always knew there was something very, "different" about me from the age of 6. Life's experiences up to the age of 30 had paved the way and made me the person i am but my submissiveness has ALWAYS been inside. It has always been natural.
i joined alt. I had a few strange first meets. i spent a few months with a so called Dom who was definitely not a Dom and all i was taught was how to dress up like a doll and perform blowjobs on demand. This set back also affected me but i knew i still had to keep looking.
i developed a complete mistrust in all men until fate bought me to the hands of Master. A bad father/step-father, family friends, strangers, brother-in-law, boyfriends etc. my defences were way up. i desperately did not want to give out the incorrect signals. i did not wish to attract the wrong sort of Dom/Master. i quickly learned there were many who titled themselves as Master but were nothing more that men out for that extra bit of action to spice up a marriage etc.
i had written up my profile, "prettyeyesdown". It is still on alt to this day to remind myself of the line i giggle at now. "I could never be a slave". At that time, i truly believed that. How could i be a slave? i am MUCH too outspoken. i am much too stubborn. No one can stand their ground more that i.
i simply had no idea of the truth.
The beautiful truth that when one does give everything to her Master and i mean EVERYTHING, at last, you can become truly free and everything else just clicks into place. Everything makes sense. i have a much better understanding of myself. i am a better person. i am a better friend, Daughter, Sister, Auntie and work colleague.
Fate bought me to the path of my Master. During our first conversation on IM the feeling of "electricity", blew me away. Inside i was so terrified. Our connection was so incredible.
i knew it right from the start. From the first 2 hours i sat shaking and clutching my mobile phone wanting to call Him and hear His voice for the first time. Right from the first meet i just knew. i felt it. i was His.
When Master first placed His collar around my neck i knew it would be for always.
i am aware all this must sound so fairytale like and oh, so romantically perfect but my enslavement has been learning and growing experience. i am eternally grateful for every bit of teaching and patience Master has shown me.
Every realisation has always reminded me of my views and thoughts of how i was before enslavement to my Master. i once thought that those who thought like i do now were just going over the top. They were mad for letting this obsession manage their whole lives. Of course, now i know different, as i am one of the blessed and lucky ones to fully experience my place within this lifestyle.
i am meant to be here. i am meant to be at my Masters feet. i hope to remain there for always. There is no higher place for me. It is my heaven.
At one point in my new found placement i panicked and ran for a while. i hid myself. i was terrified at the depth of my enslavement. Before i gave myself to Him completely i held back. Now of course i understand i was only holding myself back. It would have been the biggest mistake of my life had i done so. i knew this was something so big and so deep that i just had to be sure. In enslavement there is no room for half measures of anything. It is ALL. It is 24/7 complete commitment and devotion.
i did make the best decision of my life. i gave all. i still give all and always will. This was my turning point. i had made the decision and then was the point that inside; i gave every single part of me to Master. Everything. This is when my life changed. This may sound like i am obsessed to some but if so, then so be it.
Every thought is my Master. Yes of course He owns me in body but my mind and heart are also completely enslaved. It is the most beautiful thing i have ever experienced. As a person i feel reborn. i feel that i have broken free of my cocoon. i can fly now and have new wings with the most vivid of colours. i hope to always remain here.
i am Master's kajira. This means i am His pleasure-slave. Master takes pleasure from me in anyway he chooses to. i do ALL i can do bring Him as much pleasure as i can, and more of course. All i do now, is a TRIBUTE to Him. i am His refuge. This is not a role for me. Being a kajira is not a role. This is my LIFE.
My drug? Knowing that i have pleased Him. The contentment i feel inside knowing that i have pleased Him simply completes me. It completes me.
There is that fine line at some point that anyone who is seeking similar to what i have found will have to cross. That being the line that giving all, giving everything can brings with it the most completely satisfying freedom and contentment you will ever experience. i found that line and crossed it. Now here i am. i never would have imagined i could be where I am today.
My advice to those taking their first steps is to take time. Take it slowly. Take time to learn. Take time to seek out someone real and worthy of the life you are about to hand over. Find yourself a real Master/Mistress. Talk to people. Do ask advice. Talk to people. Talk to those who know. When you find your One, don't hold back but make sure they are the right One.
i did experience prejudice from a few in Alt but i did manage to stick it out. Had i not done so, i never would have met Master. i have noticed attitudes towards me have changed and mine in tow. i have changed. Many are protective over the lifestyle. For some starting out whom experience the same, hang in there, stick it out, and focus on the actual reason why you are there.
Who knows, in time you be as complete as i, clicking together your ankle shackles and saying to yourself whilst smiling inside, "There's no place like home", and for me, that's right here, at the feet of my wonderful Master serving Him and giving to Him all of me and all that i can.
©2006 Sigmundskajira - sally
