From Dom to Domme
I am Jenni, a TS Domme. I state it that way and not as a Domme TS because I use the word Transexual in its adjectival sense, not as a noun. I do this because I do not fit many stereotypes, and the aim of this article is to dispel many of those stereotypical images a lot of people have of the Transgendered community.
As a child I was small in stature and slightly built, of feminine proportions. In a boys world a loner and bullied daily by my Dad who wanted a boys boy to grow into a Mans man. All this would of resulted in huge bullying at school but for one thing, a ferociously violent temper held back by a hair-trigger. Anyone hurting me would get hurt themselves, and in that bold statement lies many a painful pyrrhic victory!!
Aged 16 I found myself running off to sea to escape everything and, brawling my way through various naval establishments I ended up in the Royal Marines. It was they who added a foot to height, inches to chest and about 4 extra stone in muscle. They also took the uncontrollable violent temper and moulded it into the engine of a controlled warrior. Finally they took a mind demanding to be in control, educated it, shoved it through Officer Training College and turned it into a commander. A feminine boy had become a future Dom.
Whilst in the Marines I married, my Children were born and I finally persuaded my Wife to poke Her toe in the water of BDSM. We tried to join various groups but the job meant I was frequently away, either in the air, on the Sea or under it, with few hours notice and with the two permanently packed bags (one kept at home, the other in the armoury) by my side.
Leaving the marines as various injuries took their toll I went into Civvie street and attacked the business world with the same ferocity I attacked my military enemies and no one looking at the ruthless success would guess that there was another side, a soft, gentle compassionate female side. My wife and I joined a BDSM group and for a while existed in a 24/7. My male alter became a respected Dom. Then his world ended. The plumbing in his head, damaged by two serious injuries, went into melt down. His macho world ended in a jumble of life threatening, hugely painful fits and spasms, his control slipped away, the muscle wasted, the body shrank, anger would bring on pain and suffering, only the gentle determination of his Female alter, so long suppressed, kept the body going.
Retired, no where for the energy to go, the confused body threw itself into a number of charitable projects, mostly of the compassionate, caring kind. A Samaritan, a crusader for the disadvantaged, a Christian evangelist with a Humanitarian relief organisation, spending months in Rwanda, Kosovo, and soon the Sudan.
The 24/7 BDSM relationship ended as my wife retreated behind vanilla walls . Out of respect to Her I withdrew from the community but by chance of circumstance ended up in a non-sexual BDSM relationship with a young female student from Bristol. As I was then travelling a lot we clubbed across Europe, especially Club Doma in the Hague. One of the resident Dommes I had become friendly with persuaded me to go one evening when a German Mistress, Mme Kristina, was giving a demonstration. Even in my most macho years I was more attracted to Dommes than Doms so I couldn't resist. I was awe-struck by this tall, blonde haired beauty in black leather, the awesome power She radiated, the presence. I had to meet Her and only when talking together did I realise She was Pre-op TS. Jenni had met Her role model.
As I grew close to Kristina so many similarities became evident and so many preconceptions were smashed, and with it so many of my inbuilt inhibitions. She was not Gay Male, as I was not, we were both attracted to Females, had we been born sexually Female we would of Been Bisexual. She had to overcome so many inhibitions to be able to see that the cause of so much unhappiness was Gender Dysphoria, as I was just beginning to. Being naturally Dom it was hard for the Him to express femininity.
My confusion and Dysphoria was now reaching critical levels. Then a new twist. I came out to another Domme friend, an Asian Pro - Mistress. I admitted to closet cross dressing, to feeling mentally female for as long as I can remember, to even hating the Man who had suppressed me for so long. She was totally sympathetic. She offered to let me see myself and did a makeover and dressing job on me. She even gave me a name, Jennifer, which She shortened to Jenny ( but being Asian just chopped the last syllable off and called me Jenni) and introduced me to a TV Dom who needed a bitch. Being a bitch to a TV Dom lasted about 5 seconds. Jenni was out, the body was united, the being was whole and Jenni was Domme.
Where does Jenni go from Here? In February 2004 I moved out of the family home and into a flat in London to live lifestyle, an essential prerequisite to being officially Female. However two social barriers exist. One is my Mother, still surviving against all odds and 2 major operations for cancer. Although I am Out to a lot of nearest and dearest I cannot do that to my Mother. The other is my Christian Faith, which by its nature transcends all mortal "life on Earth" considerations. My work as a Samaritan, as a Christian Counsellor and most important of all, as a Humanitarian Disaster relief worker, means everything. It means also I often have to go to Countries where a TG person would be barred from, or worse arrested, locked up, even executed. Whilst many people on my Faith side know of, and understand Jenni, they also recognise it is not something they can accept in the global conditions they work in.
So, I live as Jenni. The whole person is Jenni. Just sometimes, Jenni has to dress up as a bloke, crossdress just as Her Male alter did when He was in charge. One of those great ironies of life. Yes, the times Jenni is in Her box are painful times, Yes it creates frustration and confusion, but Jenni is a very happy person now.
