So you reckon you're a submissive and you've mulled it over until you believe you can't possibly be wrong – You just know! It feels right! What next? My advice would be – DON'T RUSH!
There's got to be a million sex starved and twisted men out there who will use the guise of Dom to obtain what satisfaction they can get from you without ever thinking about your needs and development – be careful!

I didn't know a damn thing about BDSM, didn't know what BDSM stood for, I suppose I just wanted to listen to what these people had to say.
I realise now that there is a whole world of difference between a bit of slap and tickle and the way two minds can work together.

BDSM is not about kinky sex – In chat rooms take your time, listen and get to know someone slowly and surely.
Watch out particularly for those guys that want to collar you instantly, my guess is that they haven't a clue! By all means check profiles, but don't take them too literally – anyone can write anything and, being new, it's easy to want to believe.
I found that the first 6 months or so were most intense – a friend of mine coined the phrase 'fresh meat' as regards a new subbie on the block and he was very right – the emails come flooding in, you are bombarded by men wanting to give you a taste of 'correction' It can be very overwhelming and 99.9% of these guys are not Doms but your average vanilla bloke wanting a shag!

After a short while I discovered that the Guys claiming to be Doms and jumping at you started to fall by the wayside and the ones who were constant and interested in more than the size of my breasts and whether I was prepared to 'give out' were still about – then and only then is it worth striking up a rapport.
Experience I think, isn't always everything, everyone has to start somewhere, I have spoken to a few men who know that they are Dom as much as I know I am a sub, what is important is their mind set, their interest in learning and their ability to control and understand. There may be things you can learn together.

I also talk to other subs – I have been lucky enuff to have been taken in hand by some more experienced subs and Doms who give a shit about my welfare – Make no mistake – a bad move in this game can be costly!
My mistake, and I think that many subs make this mistake, was to want to be a part of the scene so much that I jumped in too quickly; before I knew it I was involved in a situation that I found very difficult to leave. I had chatted to a man who said he was a Master for a few weeks and b4 long I was in too deep – watch out for these types, they can become a nuisance and do not let go very easily! On this occasion I was helped out by the people who I had met which gives rise to another issue – truth. It is important to be honest in this lifestyle all the time , even if it is embarrassing or inconvenient - why allow things to happen to you that you feel are wrong for you and that you feel uncomfortable with.

Not wanting to constantly negate this lifestyle, I will point out that once you have found a group of people who live BDSM and respect it for its true qualities you will become part of a kind of 'family' and there will be plenty of advice at hand – Ask questions, Listen to other peoples experiences, Get out to munches (friendly drinks in a nilla place with other BDSM'ers), Go to clubs, Don't suffer fools and above all be safe!
Many of the people who are truly into this scene I have found to be intelligent, patient and educated and they will listen to any genuine queries, so don't be nervous - ask!

Which brings me on to another really important point

SAFE CALLS

DO them for gawds sake – If you have met someone on line that you think you may want to meet – firstly ask others about them.

Find out who they are, where they live, get a phone number and CHECK IT OUT!!!! If the Dom is serious they will give you this information. If they don't want to give you this information, get out quick!

Then find a reliable friend or more experienced person WHO YOU CAN TRUST! And give them the information.

For your safety and that of the Dom - Never meet a Dom alone without a safe call being set up! Arrange to be called at odd intervals throughout the meeting and have a safe word in case you need help, let your friend know where you are at all times and when U leave.
Don't arrange to play on a first meeting.

An important question in this lifestyle when meeting new people is – WHY ????
I always ask myself that question these days.
Why does someone want to do this?
How will it help me?
Is this purely for their benefit or is it for my further development?

If all goes well and you have spent some time and effort getting it right, my belief is that when a D/s relationship is just right you will know inside, it is a feeling in your heart, body, mind and soul – There is nothing more special – and from there your development is assured.
A good Dom will want you to develop at a pace which is right for you, maybe with a few nudges here and there!
It's all about Trust !!! And more Trust !!!

All of the above is based on my own experiences and is advice from a girl who is very new to BDSM – Everyone will find their own way!

©2001 Cheexster – aka Hotcheex