Owned
(posted on southernukspankingandbdsm forum Sun Feb 15, 2004 - Subject: Re: Giving or taking)
I want to add my personal perspective to the discussion but am wary of the risk of fuzzy thought so I may not adequately cover everything I want to say.
I waited for the time where I felt I had control of my life before I gave myself into this type of relationship. I had no other "masters" in my life dictating what I should or should not do, no boss, no children, no other family member. They existed but they didn't hold any rights over me. I owned myself and therefore the right to give myself over to Master's control.
It is agreed and understood between Master and myself, that I am owned. He has the right to dictate my life as he sees fit. I have a right to my opinions and thoughts and am listened to with fairness. I do not have the right however to insist they are acted upon or play up, sulk or get angry if they are over-ruled. Master's decision is final. If I have the last word then it is simply "yes Sir".
There is no "vanilla world". Vanilla is a name used to describe the regular and most common form of sexual/intimate relationship accepted within our society. I am a deviant because I deviate from that "norm. Paying bills, shopping at Tescos, eating at restaurants .. these are all aspects of our society and vanilla or BDSM relationships alike will have their fair share of the things required for daily living.
I am my Master's sub 24/7 but we do not live together as we are both in separate long-term vanilla relationships. I have had people say to me that it is not possible to be in a 24/7 BDSM relationship without living together. I disagree. After all, it is possible to own a racehorse without having to keep it in your garden. I have a friend in an established, long term and deeply committed marriage. Her husband works in Norway and comes home every other weekend. They are still husband and wife every hour of every day despite the miles between them. So it is with Master and myself.
Because of the depth of my submission and the commitment to the relationship Master knows that I will do whatever am I told to the best of my abilities. We do not live a fantasy life therefore he does not tell me to spend my days naked and in chains, but he knows that he could and he knows that I would - and that is the important bit to him, indeed, to us both.
Master is a sadist. This means that he needs to cause real pain in order to reach satisfaction. This is fairly easy to achieve with me. I can't take pain too well. I don't like pain .. although I seem to need it and all it results in. I gave my full consent on the day I gave my submission and trust my safety and my life to him. No set limits and no safewords there for me to control what is happening. If I feel that something is wrong, that I've lost sensation in my hands or my back is twisted then I say so and it is his decision how to proceed from that point. It is not in his interest to have a broken or damaged submissive, so he is not likely to be irresponsible with my wellbeing. When I am tortured or beaten it is always to a point beyond my thresholds. The pain unbearable, the tears flowing, to get where he needs to go. This is as close to non-consensual as a sane sadist can go, but it is not abuse. I did not enter into the relationship lightly or uneducated. I knew what I was getting into when I submitted and it obviously serves a need in me to put myself into his ownership and to serve this purpose for him. If I did not believe totally in his ownership and my submission then I might give up when things got too much since I am only human. But I would be thoroughly disappointed in myself and it would also leave my own needs unmet.
There is loads more I could say but I know these won't be apparent to me until later or until other points are raised in the discussion. There is no single way to conduct this type of relationship, this is what works for Master and myself.
©2004 Michelle