Mid-scene Negotiations
posted on southernukspankingandbdsm@yahoogroups.com 20th Jan 2004
Reproduced here with the author's kind permission
I would like to underline the importance of avoiding mid-scene negotiation and re-negotiation. It may seem like a minor issue, but it feels pretty major once it happens, I can assure you. The sub may well "wake up" from sub space afterwards and feel very unhappy about it.
When a sub is in sub space or even lighter states of submission, they can lose the power or will to say no. (I find I can not say much at all even.) A sub can certainly not understand the implications and hazards at this stage and therefore cannot give informed consent. I think it is highly unethical to attempt to define or move the goal posts mid-scene.
Whilst I was spitting with anger for months after an incident of this nature occured to me, I was also angry with myself for being stupid enough to get into a situation where it could happpen to me. It was a very difficult time and I must pay tribute to the support of Stimpy, Twinkle and Pedro who looked after me and helped me feel safe again. You really find out who your friends are at these times...:)
I also found out what submission really means. I learned not to give it to just anyone. I learned that, without a genuine reason to submit, submission becomes an exercise in role play and is little more than a psychological scratching of an itch. Above all, I learned that a D/s partner, be they Dom or sub, must be a friend first and a play partner second. Without that, the D/s feels (and is?) false and can be dangerous.
©2004 darkness^
