Rantings of an elitist bitch!
I have decided to write this in response to being accused of being the aforementioned elitist bitch. When I was first became aware that this was a name that had become associated with me I was shocked. Though after some thought and a lot of personal soul searching, sometimes aided by alcoholic encouragement. I discovered that in fact I could live quite happily with the label. Especially when I consider the calibre of people that were kind enough to bestow it on me. This then led me to think back over the year I have spent on alt.com, and to reflect on some of the other criticisms that have been levelled at me from time to time. This I guess, is my response to those remarks, and would like to mention that these comments that follow are purely mine and in no way reflect either the beliefs or values of my Master or anyone else I know from the 'scene'.
Cyber! -
I do not see people that are into cyber sex, play, roles etc as having any relevance to what I see as BDSM. I have no conception of the pleasure they claim to get from this. Personally I think I would rather watch a porn movie or perhaps invest in a variety of top shelf magazines. Purely the logistics of wanking and typing simultaneously is enough to put me off the concept of cyber sex. Cyber play well there's a concept. If anyone out there can explain to me how you can compare someone typing … 'Bends you over and whacks the thin edged crop across the back of your thighs' … to the reality of being in that situation, I would love to hear it. Frankly I would be unable to type the expected. 'Ouch!!! Writhes in agony and ecstasy', due to incontinence problems caused by excessive laughter. The concept of cyber roles causes similar problems for me. I know that no man could ever be my Master without there being a connection, a real, deep emotional connection, how people attain this through a few written commands etc I can't even imagine. Cyber anything is not BDSM it is fantasy. BDSM is a part of life, an inbuilt need, not a fantasy scenario. I will always challenge anyone I see in the rooms at alt.com that claim to be BDSM and in reality are a cyber fantasy master/mistress/sub etc. I do understand that some people are unable to 'go real-time' due to a variety of reasons and so rely on cyber. That's fine just don't claim to be what you are not!, and secondly keep it for IM I have no wish to watch your games. I go online to talk to people, not to watch idiots playing the fool whilst they claim to be living the same lifestyle as me. You have no concept of what BDSM is in real time, and yet you have the audacity to not only portray yourself as such, but you even give advice to newbies. How dare you!
Cyber collars ! -
An invention I have real problems with. A collar is something that should never be given lightly. I t is not a fashion accessory, something to be taken from your bag on the way to LFF or a munch. Wearing one does not make you part of the 'scene' if so every Goth and punk between here and well back here would be BDSM. A collar is a symbol offered and taken to symbolize that your Master/ Mistress owns you body, mind and soul. It doesn't even need to be worn 24/7 because if it isn't there every minute of every day, whether or not you are wearing it, then you should never be in possession of one. This sudden penchant for on-line collars disgusts me. It belittles the real meaning of a collar. Its only comparative in nilla is a wedding band and you don't see that many cyber wedding bands floating around so why the hell should something that is sacred and special be belittled in such a way. I have even had the dubious pleasure of watching an on-line collaring. My first inclination was to switch it off, but became drawn out of morbid curiosity to see it through to completion. It was something akin to pushing your tongue against an aching tooth you know its going to distress you and make things worse but you cant help yourself. It was the most ludicrous thing I had ever seen in my life and I physically cringed with embarrassment for those involved. This was not long after I joined alt.com, and to be honest was a good eye opener as to the supposed real people that frequent the euro room. Since this and having met most of them in life I must say that those that spread the tablecloths etc for the cyber collaring celebrations have never struck me as lifestyle more players at best. But we will return to them later.
BDSM! -
I have often been attacked for my views on what is BDSM and what isn't. I keep hearing things along the lines of; it's different for everyone, each to their own etc etc etc. I do accept that alt.com is an alternative not purely BDSM site, that's fine. I accept it will attract nilla swingers, foot worshippers, adult babies and so on. I have no problem with any of that. What I do have a problem with is people that come to the room claiming to be BDSM and they aren't. If you and your partner want a threesome, four-some etc fine go for it, have a ball but don't claim to be BDSM.
Which leads to the, what is BDSM question. Bondage Domination/Discipline Sadist Masochist is the understood meaning of the BDSM tag. I do not consider anyone that has a fetish as BDSM, alternative fair enough, but not BDSM. To me BDSM means total power exchange, Bondage does not need to be physical restraints, bondage is first and foremost in the mind. If a 'Master /Mistress' has to use bonds etc then they do not have total submission a word should be enough. I am not saying there is no place for bonds etc they are fine but should be optional not a necessity. Domination/Discipline Domination means what it says that one person totally hands control to another. This means a lot of trust on behalf of both and is why time should be taken to build that trust. Discipline, I have issues with that to a degree. I am rarely hit as a disciplinary measure. My Master hurts me because it gives him pleasure and because he needs to, not because I have behaved badly. In fact on the few occasions he has used pain as a punishment, it hurts far more as I know he's not gaining real pleasure from it. He tends to use other disciplinary methods which are very personal to me he knows where my weak spots are and will use them far more effectively than any beating. Sadism, the need to inflict pain etc on another and the act of doing so. I do not claim to be an expert on sadism as my Master is the only true Sadist I have experienced. I do know that for him however, it's a need, it goes beyond gaining pleasure. Though it is a by-product admittedly. Masochism the need to have pain inflicted. This again is a need, for some its pleasure for some a release. The key word to all I guess is need. I always think that there are sub-sections within it and not all of them are what I would consider BDSM.
Players!- people that will take a role on for a period of time usually sexually based.
Swingers!- a tricky one I often meet couples that are looking for another couple or person to join them. To me BDSM is a private thing between people and I can't imagine wanting anyone else to hurt me besides my Master. I can take pain from him not because I enjoy it, in fact the opposite is true, but because I know how much pleasure and satisfaction he gets from it. He needs it and I love being able to provide for that need. I could take pain from another if he wanted me to so he could watch etc but I know his real pleasure comes from inflicting not observing so the scenario is unlikely to happen
Toy Doms!- The Doms/Dommes that rely totally on tools and toys. Take away their bag of tricks and watch them panic. To me they are not real Masters a true Master can dominate with a word has the imagination to use things that are available or if need be just their hands. Again like bondage it should be primarily in the mind gags look erotic but a 'shut up' is all it should take.
In short BDSM is a lifestyle not all Masters are Sadistic not all Sadists are Masters but there has to be a fundamental that falls into a category to qualify you as BDSM. It also should be something that is there 24/7 not something you play at. BDSM is not something you can play with it's a need you have an inbuilt, fundamental part of who you are.
Masters/Mistress! -
How many times have I been asked by 'Doms' so what are you into?? It always makes me chuckle and cross them off a mental list. I am into whatever gives my Master pleasure. Yes, there are things I enjoy more than others, but basically my need is to fulfil and please my Master. Any Master that wants me to tell him what to do is no Master in my eyes. I know if you are new then its difficult but take time find someone you connect with and explore what you need. If you have found the right submissive then that is what they want from you. You will pick up on their needs and meet them if you care enough to observe, and remember their needs are not always 'scene' needs. Another favourite is peculiar to online, the demand that you use a Capital for their name or type their name in full. How petty and infantile. Any true Master knows that a true sub shows deference and respect to only one Master and is equal to anyone else. I refuse to show respect to anyone other than my Master or those that I feel genuine respect for no matter what they claim to be.
Submissives !-
A subject close to my own heart. I am a sub. I do not play at it I do not choose to be submissive, it is what I am, the same as being female etc. I do not turn it off and on. With my Master I am submissive I adore and serve him but only him. I am not a doormat. I am not submissive in my everyday life. In fact quite the opposite I am naturally quite dominant and outspoken day to day. I take issue with subs that accuse me of not being submissive because of the kind of person I am. Yes I have attitude so what? My Master doesn't see that attitude unless its aimed at others and then he finds it most amusing and entertaining. He was accused by one sub of being 'a crap master that needed to train his sub better', just because I had challenged her on a post she had made. As he said I owe respect to no one but him and if she was stupid enough to tangle with somebody out of her league then bigger fool her. Personally I think it says more about her real status than my behaviour but then I guess I would. I dislike seeing people Sir every male Dom that comes into the room respect is something that is a gift to your Master not given away freely to any Tom Dick or Bob that give themselves the title. That to me belittles their Master. Anyone that submits to anyone that claims to be Dom in my eyes is not submissive and probably has issues they should address. A true sub tends not to be submissive in everyday life in fact they are often the opposite. Unfortunately I have met so few people I would describe as true subs that this is a theory only, but one that has proved true with the limited resources I have. Another accusation that irritates me is that I love the pain, I am a pain slut. Rubbish!! I hate pain I am in no way masochistic I don't need pain. I need to give pleasure. I gain pleasure from serving my Master. I gain no pleasure from the pain or the humiliation. If he wasn't enjoying and needing the release I could quite happily leave the whole pain thing there thanks. There are subs that are masochistic and those that are sadistic I fit neither of those I am just a sub plain and simple.
"Real people" ! -
These are the people that think just because they turn up to a munch, LFF, go to a club or even meet someone for a drink that they become real. No, what it actually means is ok you said you were female and you are. It does not give you a badge of reality, a stamped certificate to say you are a sub, Dom etc. We can all say we are anything. I find that most real people have a vibe, an aura about them I know I react in a certain way to someone that has a Master/Mistress air about them. This is nothing to do with dress, attractiveness etc it's a gut instinct reaction. Spending time with those that claim to be real can be amusing. I have been in conversation with a sub wearing her collar with pride, boasting about the total submissiveness she feels for her Master. When she breaks off to wave an empty glass at him whilst announcing, "no ice this time ok " Then turns back without batting an eyelid and continues where she left off. Even more amusing is the fact that he does it he wanders off and does what he's told. A few days later you will see this same woman in alt telling someone she can't give out her msn without permission as her Master is very strict. Or the people that you try and discuss things with, that suddenly announce that's far too extreme for them. All you have mentioned is a beating. Or those that go to clubs etc then squirm at the sight of someone beaten. Yep, that's exactly the sort of Master I want at the other end of a chain flogger or crop! A particular favourite are the Doms that bring their subs to LFF. The sub is often all kitted up in PVC often with a collar and lead etc. Playing the role to the hilt. Then start shopping but when the sub says no that'll hurt they put it down and move on.
Of course these are always the ones so quick to comment on or criticise someone else as being extreme, breaking the rules etc. What rules are there? No rules accept those personal to that couple etc. Who asked these people to become the moral high ground of BDSM? Especially as they have no real understanding of it, as they often do no more than flirt with kinky sex around the outskirts of the BDSM community. Personally I don't give a damn what people think of me I have nothing to prove. I feel no need to justify what I do to anyone besides my Master and if that means I am a fake in their eyes so what.
Personal attacks.
Many attacks have been on me personally or on my relationship with my Master some of them have been constructive and I do take note. Others I brush off as either the person commenting I have no respect for or else its something I have analysed myself and am comfortable with. For example the being falsely friendly to people I actually have little or no time for real life. That was a valid point I tried justifying it to myself but they were right it was a kind of stamp of approval to their behaviour so I have been more selective of late.
The reaction I had when I showed people the scalpel work my Master had decorated my back with shocked me. The pain of being cut etc is nothing compared to your average beating, and I really thought the work was beautiful I was proud to wear it. Suddenly we became an extreme couple. The fact that a couple of my fingers were broken at one point resulted in many e-mails asking if I was ok, did I want to talk, did I need to get out of an abusive relationship?? There is nothing abusive about our relationship I gave consent to him when I accepted his collar. Everything he does to me is done with love I know that I feel it in my heart. He could not get the pleasure he has from me from just anyone he tells me this constantly. I love and worship him he can do what he wants to me for his pleasure that is my gift to him in return for knowing that to him I am so special. Anyone real would understand that in my opinion. I often get criticised because I am anti online relationships and collaring. Partly due to the fact that I met my Master online. So a brief synopsis. Yes we met online. No we never cybered. We met within weeks of talking, as friends initially. We never even made it obvious that we were talking together to any but the closest friends until we were outted by an eavesdropping minion who snatched my phone. Any personal info etc was exchanged msn or on the phone. Yes I changed my name to HHJs but this was long after we started meeting and when plans had been made to go 24/7. No I never had a cyber collar. The only collar is my real one that I wear with pride.
Another criticism is that you can't live 24/7. Rubbish!! Again this comes from people that have no idea. I do not walk round in shackles and nipple clamps all day with my head bowed, neither does he phone me at work and demand I go to the loo and wank whilst muttering his name. It means that he is in my head 24/7. Everything I do is with him in mind. We do normal stuff, laugh, joke, go for drives, socialise etc. It just means that if ever he feels I have overstepped the mark a look, a word is all that's needed. I act, as I know he would want me to. Whether he is there or not I guess I live my life by his rules but he is a reasonable Master and usually just knowing that I would do something if told to is often enough for him. He is confident in who and what he is and needs no petty displays to affirm that he is my Master either to himself or anyone else.
I have also heard that, as we don't "play" publicly it means that we are fake. The reason my Master dislikes public play is because I belong to him my role is to pleasure him. He gets no heightened pleasure from people watching him hurt me and doesn't like the fact that others will get pleasure from watching my being hurt. He saves that pleasure for himself. It is a personal choice and we have no problems with public play in general and have watched it on many occasions.
OK you will be pleased to hear a summary.
If being nice means being fake, playing at BDSM, playing at being a sub. Then long may I be an elitist bitch.
I will continue to challenge posts I see in the room that irritate me. As far as I am concerned if you post it in a public room its open to public comment. If you don't like my attitude then you have an ignore box and don't worry I don't suffer from claustrophobia. If real life then at least try and keep up a resemblance of what you claim to be if you don't want to be challenged. Remember you can always argue your point assuming you have one. Never make the mistake that you can get away with things just because you think you have proved you are real. I am always ready to defend my attitude and point of view but also to listen and admit that I have made an assumption. I am not an elitist bitch just somebody that is sick and tired of having both what I am and my lifestyle ridiculed by people that never will be what they either want to be or think they are.
This was added after a conversation with a fellow sub. I was trying to define what makes me feel different to many that claim to be sub and she hit the nail on the head. They step into the sub role as and when they wish to play. If I have a real problem I have to discuss with my Master I have to make a concerted effort to step into "an equality" in order to talk to him about it
©2003 red orion aka Jaz