We wish to talk here about BDSMers in vanilla marriages.
So many times, such people are accused of cheating on their vanilla partners. Even when informed that the vanilla partner is aware of the BDSM relationship, the accusers do not back down. What does damage any relationship, whether vanilla or BDSM, is the betrayal of trust through lack of honesty. Therefore, if a relationship is open and honest, this sort of damage cannot be inflicted and people do not get hurt.
In our case, some have also assumed that because we have both been married to our partners for nearly 25 years then the marriages must be stagnant and that we are looking for interests elsewhere. This is untrue. Both our partners recognise our need for BDSM, both recognise that they are unable to meet that need, and both are secure enough in the relationships to enable us to have that need met elsewhere.
You may find that some will not understand this at all and it is highly likely that these people either have never been married, or come from broken relationships. In any event the thoughts of others should never interfere with your own personal relationship.
Mature marriages demonstrate the ability to stand by the person you love through thick and thin, it shows stability and commitment, and it develops a true love that remains forever, even after the pink love bubble of the younger relationship has burst.

©2001 M (Circe1)

Quotes on Marriage

from : The Road Less Travelled by M. Scott Peck

Love defined :
"The will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth"

Mature and Open Marriages
" a true acceptance of their own and each other's individuality and separateness is the only foundation upon which a mature marriage can be based and real love can grow"

"my work with couples has led me to the stark conclusion that open marriage is the only kind of mature marriage that is healthy and not seriously destructive to the spiritual health and growth of individual partners"

from : The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran

Then Almitra spoke again and said, And what of Marriage, Master?
And he answered saying:

You were born together, and together you shall be for evermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter you days.
Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God

But let there be spaces in your togetherness.
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.

Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone.
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.

And stand together yet not too near together.
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow