The one question I get asked most of all about BDSM is, "How did you get into it?" If they mean how did I decide to become a Pro Domme, then the answer is easy – my partner suggested I did it. If they mean how did I get into the scene in the first place, then that is much more difficult to answer. I used to say that it was something my partner and I were into from the outset of our relationship, but in reality, for me it started much, much earlier. Even as a child of about 7 or 8 I had a friend, slightly younger than me, who I used to dominate (until I was 'banned' from playing with her!).
Another question I often get asked is, "How did you learn to be dominant?" The simple answer to that is that, in my opinion, you don't 'learn' dominance, it comes naturally. Just as I could never be submissive, some people just couldn't be dominant. However, people who know me in my 'vanilla' life wouldn't consider me to be 'naturally dominant'. I am not particularly bossy or stroppy, in fact, in a confrontational situation, I would be the one most likely to back down just to keep the peace. I would, however, get my own way eventually!
I used to worry about what would happen if I got 'outed', but when it actually happened to me, it wasn't such a big deal. Friends and family who know about my lifestyle are all very supportive – in fact I have had no adverse reactions at all – most of my friends are more curious if anything and are quite proud of the fact that they know, personally, a Dominatrix!
I work from home, which has its advantages and disadvantages. I am very careful about who I let into my home. Just as there are many different aspects to BDSM, so are there many different types of people who participate in it, from professional people to tradesmen and I treat them all the same. However, if I feel at all uncomfortable about a client when he calls, I will not accept the booking, especially if they seem to be taking too much interest in my domestic arrangements. My clients like the fact that I operate from a discreet rural location. People can easily be put off if they have to try and find a back street flat in a dubious part of town, although for some, I am sure it all adds to the excitement, the fear of the unknown.
My attitude as a Domme has definitely changed since I turned 'professional' about 2 years ago. In all honesty, it has had to. I have had to learn to be more flexible in my approach to my job. The way I do things now is probably far removed from the way I used to do things. I certainly would try things now that I would not have even considered doing before and I am pleased to have the opportunity to try many different aspects of BDSM that I probably would not have had if I weren't professional. One thing that hasn't changed, however, is the way I do things. From what I have been told, it appears I am fairly unique in my approach to my work. I am not into shouting orders or threats to my subs and verbally humiliating them – if that is what they are looking for, then I suggest they go elsewhere. I am a kind and caring Dominatrix who likes to lull her subs into a place where they feel safe and secure and then, when they least expect it, WHAM, they get a shock they just weren't expecting and as I see them suffering, reeling from the shock, I laugh and tell them just how much I enjoy watching them suffer! I am told I am truly sadistic. Of course, I always respect limits, but also believe that limits are there to be explored and pushed.
I also get involved in BDSM on a local level, getting actively involved in the organisation of local munches and organising play parties. This is a good way for me to meet new friends from within the BDSM community, although it is also a good way to meet potential new clients.
BDSM is so vast and multi-faceted that, for me, it is almost impossible to begin to describe what it is exactly – it is different things to different people and it is because of this that the majority of people you meet within the scene are very open-minded and accepting of people for who they are, not what they are. But for me it doesn't matter what aspect of BDSM works for you as long as it is Safe, Sane and Consensual.
© Mistress Nina, March 2002
