Basic Bondage Hints
Taken from the
Deviant's Dictionary
(c) Copyright 1996, 2002 Des de Moor, David 'Slakker' Merrill and david
stein.
All Rights Reserved.
Used by permission. Please do not reproduce.
Bondage is a vast topic: there are an infinite number of ways of restraining someone and a myriad of reasons why people might need or want to be restrained. Deciding what sort of bondage is appropriate for a particular scene requires careful consideration and discussion. Thankfully, without losing sight of anyone's individuality, we can distinguish at least three basic factors involved in determining the sort of bondage you might use. As with most such distinctions in SM, most players fall somewhere between the two poles, with their interests varying from scene to scene.
The Purpose Of It All
Firstly there is the question of how much the bondage is for its own sake, and how much it is a means to an end. Because bondage is so common on the BDSM scene, some people assume that it is an essential activity, and you even hear the term 'bondage' used interchangeably with SM. This is mistaken, however: it is quite possible to have SM without bondage and it is equally possible (and fairly common) to find an interest in bondage that doesn't extend into more painful practises.
Some people are satisfied just with the sense of restriction bondage gives; their thrills may be intensified with more and more elaborate bondage, or by spending lengthy amounts of time immobilised. Or they may appreciate bondage aesthetically, and constantly seek out new techniques they find pleasing.
In many cases, however, bondage is used as a means to achieving something else. It is often used in SM games where pain or intense physical stimulation is involved, both for the convenience of the top and in some cases for safety reasons too, keeping the bottom manageably secured in one place where they might otherwise have a tendency to move around involuntarily. For example, in flagellation scenes where accurate aim is essential, a bottom who moved instinctively to avoid the blows might inadvertently thrust a more vulnerable and sensitive spot into the line of fire than the one the top was aiming at. Of course it's not universally required: some bottoms in some situations have the self-control to keep themselves still without bondage. But there are equally some tops who would not feel secure or confident performing certain activities that require great accuracy, such as certain piercings or using a single tail whip, without the bottom securely tied.
As well as immobilising the bottom, bondage can also help get them into the right 'headspace' and help them concentrate on dealing with what is happening. Some bottoms find bondage helps them cope by allowing them to feel that what is happening to them is outside their responsibility and control. Once again this is not universal: some bottoms may feel more uncomfortable in bondage and take more without it, and some will only trust themselves to be tied up by a top they know well.
With bondage as an end in itself, the equipment and techniques used will depend entirely on the preferences of the partners.
With 'means-to-an-end' bondage, the end or ends will affect the bondage: for example, it's no good putting someone in a heavy strait jacket if you intend to torture their nipples once they're tied up.
A second distinction to bear in mind is between symbolic and practical bondage.
On some occasions it may be important that the bondage is genuinely physically inescapable: this is usually the case for those who appreciate bondage for its own sake, and often the case for people who genuinely want to feel that they cannot avoid whatever else is going on. On other occasions, when the impact of the bondage is largely psychological, it may not have to be so sturdy.
For example some bottoms may find wrist restraints clipped together with spring clips powerful enough symbolically, even though they could if they chose escape from them; others might need the physical reality of a padlock for which the top has the key.
In certain cases it's also vital for safety reasons that the bondage is inescapable: for example when the bondage is supporting the bottom in a position that it would be dangerous to lose.
A third distinction is between comfortable and painful bondage. If the bondage is a means to an end, the usual technique is to make it relatively comfortable for the duration of the scene, which will in turn depend on how long a scene is due to last. That way, the bottom can forget about the bondage and concentrate instead on the other sensations he or she is undergoing.
Comfort is a relative term, and sometimes a little discomfort from the bondage is part of the thrill in addition to whatever else is going on. However, there are different sorts of discomfort. A bit of stiffness in the muscles may not cause a problem for some people, but a chafing wrist restraint or an unintentionally pinched piece of skin may be another thing entirely!
At the other extreme, there are techniques for using bondage to restrict and cramp the body in such a way that the bondage itself is the main source of discomfort or pain. This is a set of specialist techniques all of its own that we hope to be able to discuss in future articles.
It's important to be clear about these different needs and expectations. There are serious incompatibility problems when one partner is expecting just bondage and the other wants to play other games too. And a bottom who is used to being simply wrist-cuffed during scenes may freak to find themselves immobilised completely in an elaborate rope harness.
General Hints
The following hints about involving bondage successfully in a scene are arguably good advice in all scenes, irrespective of the actual bondage involved. These points are in addition to the usual safety concerns.
For tops:
Be competent, confident and decisive about what you are doing.
Be familiar with your tools and technique. Of course there will be occasions when you are using something for the first time on someone else but try to keep the number of new things you introduce to a minimum and do as much as you can to familiarise yourself with the technique or item first. Fumbling too much with bondage is boring and isn't going to inspire confidence in you.
Be aware of what you want to achieve and avoid unintended effects. Make sure things aren't pinching where they're not supposed to, for example.
Think about what you are doing in the context of the whole scene. If the kind of bondage you use prevents a certain activity you may want to engage in later on, you'll either have to avoid that activity or interrupt the scene to remove or modify the bondage.
Use only as much bondage as is necessary in the particular scene. Don't waste time and energy doing things that aren't appreciated.
Make sure you know how to remove the bondage before you put it on. This isn't only important for safety but also helps the smooth running of the scene.
Make sure the bondage is strong and secure enough for the job in hand, even if safety doesn't depend on it -- bondage breaking or coming undone in the middle of a scene is one of the most irritating distractions in SM!
And for bottoms...
Be especially clear about the kind of bondage you want and expect, and honest about how much you struggle and attempt to escape and how much you want that to be prevented.
Remember, it's not always easy for tops to know how the bondage feels, and don't be afraid to alert them to potential problems, such as pinched skin or unexpected discomfort, as soon as you notice them. If that chafing buckle is irritating you now, don't kid yourself it will get better, because the opposite is more likely to be true, and interrupting the scene at a later stage will be much more frustrating for both of you.