Glossary

Since this medium is just words here the meaning of those words is very important
claire_


24/7
This so often gets confused with the vanilla meaning of "living together".

In BDSM, 24/7 is an abbreviation of the term "24/7 TPE" (Total Power Exchange). It describes the mindset of the relationship where the power exchange is permanent rather than on an ad hoc play basis.

In no way does it mean that the sub is constantly naked, in chains and beaten from dawn to dusk. Nor does it necessarily mean that the couple live together, some do and some don't.




BDSM
This is a term many use but few actual know of the meaning or origins. It is made up from three sets of initial letters: B&D = Bondage & Discipline; D&S = Domination & Submission and S&M = Sadism & Masochism, these 6 initials are then overlapped to create the four initials.

The term " S&M " comes from the word "Sadism", after the Marquis de Sade, and was first coined by Richard Kraft-Ebbing in his book "Psychopathia Sexualis", published around 1886; and from the word "Masochism" after Leopold von Sacher-Masoch (1836-1895), Austrian novelist. It describes people who need to experience the giving or receiving of pain in order to achieve sexual satisfaction, whether physically or psychologically.

" D&s " has murkier origins, but it began to emerge in the late 1960's as more heterosexuals entered "the lifestyle" in an organised fashion. It is the aspect of mind control on a 24/7 basis. Whilst physical pain through S&M is not a necessary part of D&s it often occurs in such relationships

" B&D " was a term that was popularized in personal advertisements appearing in S&M orientated magazines in the 1960's. It describes people who enjoy doing tying up or caning from time to time without actually needing to be in a submitted D/s relationship with their play partner.

It is believed that the full term " BDSM " was adopted by The Society of Janus in the late 70s - early 80s as an umbrella term for the entirety of "the lifestyle" - they were in the midst of becoming pansexual - it replaced the term "leather lifestyle" which was, in their opinion, too closely associated with a strictly gay S&M culture




BDSM Symbol

This is a 1990s internet based symbol sometimes known as the quagmyr after its designer Steven Quagmyr. It looks like a three sectioned Yin-Yang sign, each section representing one set of the BDSM initials, BD, DS, SM.

Other representations of the three parts are Tops, Bottom and Switches or Safe, Sane and Consensual.

The colour of the symbol is not relevant but the outer circle and dividing lines are always supposed to be metal and the "eye" of each segment should be a hole not a dot.

It's purpose is to provide a sign that could be worn in a vanilla environment without causing prejudice yet would identify the wearer to other BDSMers.




Bisexuality
Bisexuality is a bit of a misnomer as it is not actually a sexual orientation but a chosen activity. People who practice bisexuality are either homosexuals, who will occasionally go with the opposite sex, or heterosexuals and will sometimes go with the same sex, i.e.: a heterosexual woman who goes with another woman will consider herself as "straight" rather than "lesbian". It is a chosen preference rather than part of the genetic make-up




Bob
Someone who has become known and accepted through online chat but nobody has actually met in real life. Coined by MC on the premis that whether they are presenting themselves as a nubile young female sub or a desirable Dominant they are assumed to be a big hairy trucker called Bob from Grimsby until someone has met them face-to-face.




Bunnyboiler
An emotionally and/or psychologically disturbed female who is likely to cause major problems in a relationship. Derived from the character of Alex Forrest played by Glenn Close in the film Fatal Attraction.




Carpet Dom
A Dominant who believes he holds the control in the relationship but is, in fact, being walked all over by his "sub".




Doormat
A doormat is someone who is submissive or passive to everyone in most or all aspects of their life. It is a learnt behaviour based on lack of confidence or self-esteem, the need to be liked or a fear of others anger. It is NOT a description of someone in total submission to their Master/Mistress. Someone in total submission can remain assertive in all aspects of life other than where they interact with the person to whom their submission has been given.




Edge Play
Some people use the words "edge play" to mean any play that pushes the sub/bottom to the edge of their limits. However it is more correctly used to describe the type of high-risk play, such as knife play, breath play (suffocation) and any other, that can bring one towards the edge of death




Fetish
This is an object or activity not naturally connected with sexual intercourse that nonetheless causes sexual arousal for some people. The necessity for the presence of a fetish object varies from fetishist to fetishist, and in rare cases it supplants any other form of sexual desire.

"A fetish is a sexual fixation on a particular object or sexual activity. Understand that a fixation is quite different from a preference. If inhaling the bouquet from a sweat sock worn by the dallas cowboy's half back is necessary to your scene, or if you only enjoy sex while gagged with your second cousins used panties, you have a fetish"
extract from Screw the Roses





Nilla
A common abbreviation of the word "vanilla". See Vanilla below.




Paraphilia
Any of a group of psychosexual disorders characterized by sexual fantasies, feelings, or activities involving a nonhuman object, a nonconsenting partner, or pain or humiliation of oneself or one's partner - also called sexual deviation.




R/t vs. r/l
Many use the term r/t to describe any relationship/communication conducted face-to-face rather than online, and common usage seems to have accepted that meaning. However, r/t (real time) means that the communication is happening "here and now" as in chat rooms and IM messengers. One person types and the other replies, unlike email where one person writes and the other person replies "as and when". The phrase to correctly describe non-internet, face-to-face communication is r/l (real life).




RACK
RACK (risk-aware consensual kink ) is any of several phrases used by portions of the BDSM community to describe themselves and their philosophies. Note: This term is sometimes also seen as risk-accepted consensual kink.

"Risk-aware consensual kink" is a term that was coined in reaction to current dissatisfaction within the BDSM community regarding the political issues (internal and external) surrounding the "safe, sane and consensual" ethos that many people use to describe their form of consensual BDSM. Specifically, RACK is intended to embrace edgeplay and play that is engaged in without safewords.

"If you hear whispered "I wonder if he knows the risk involved in doing that....I wonder if he does "this" it could be made safer....I think I will tell him about it later after his scene" - that is the "spirit" of RACK." - (withinreality.com - danae 2003)
See also SSC




Rigger
A roper who specialises in rope and suspension bondage, especially utilising frames and bamboo poles.




Skimmer
Someone who skims the surface of the BDSM lifestyle but with no real depth of interest or commitment. A take-it-or-leave-it participant. They can often talk the talk well but rarely walk the walk.




Sniper
A person who interrupts a chat or discussion just to take a swipe at one of the parties involved, or argues against them, even when they have no real intention of supporting the opposing view.




SSC
SSC (safe, sane and consensual ) is one of several phrases used by a large section of the BDSM and sexual bondage communities to describe themselves and their philosophies who regard SSC to be a watchword for safety.

The principles are that BDSM activities should be:

safe: attempts should be made to identify and prevent risks to health
sane: activities should be undertaken in a sane and sensible cast of mind
consensual: all activities should involve the full informed consent of all parties involved.

"When watching a scene that may involve some heavy risk you might hear the person next to you whisper to their partner "they shouldn't do that...its unsafe…that is a dangerous Dominant" - that is the spirit of SSC" - (withinreality.com - danae 2003)
See also RACK


.


Troll
A male who comes into a chatroom and hits on every female in the room, without preference, in the hope of striking it lucky. He plays the numbers game - ask 100 girls for a kiss, 99 may slap him but 1 might just take him up on it. Female trolls are less common but do occur.




Vanilla
This is a term used by SMers, fetishists and so on to mean 'normal' sex without SM or fetish activities. Coined fairly recently as a humourous reference to what is regarded as the 'plainest' flavour of ice cream. It does NOT mean "ordinary daily life" such as shopping, cooking, working or paying bills etc as these activities are undertaken in every walk of life. Often abbreviated to "nilla".


To believe the words are interchangeable is not really semantics
but another case of the spoiled entitlement generation thinking
they are above rules, protocol, laws ... and our dictionary!
slave2Bholed






Back to Section Index

Back to Main Index