What is a bigot? I get accused of being a bigot in chat. Is this because I am supposedly set in my ways and don't listen to others?
If so .. then it's untrue. I listen to everyone - then tell the wankers to fuck off!

I would name names but we only have an 80 gig hard drive!

Labels - Why is it people say "don't label me!" and then later I see them saying "I'm a sub/slave/Master/Dom" or "I'm looking for a sub/slave/Master/Dom". Surely labels help to define who we are and what we are and therefore helps in finding a kindred spirit.

They might not be quite sure of what they want but must have some sort of draw to bring them to the BDSM arena in the first place.

I think labels are good!!!!

Are you prepared to speak out when things go wrong? Will you name names of abusers or unsafe people so other can be warned? I have known a few who have been too scared to do this, because the unsafe person knew their name and address and they feared retaliation. This is what these predators prey on, your fear or reluctance to go public.
Are you prepared to go to the police to report someone? or will you be like rape victims a couple of decades ago, scared that the whole sorry tale will be made to look like your fault, that you asked for it.
Predators will especially home in on the ones who say it all needs to be discreet, can't have wife/husband or employer finding out about their involvement in the lifestyle. People who are hiding have to stay quiet - at least that is what the predators bank on.

Validation - Who do you know?? You meet someone at an event - can you honestly say you now know them?? Far too many people validate others just after having met them once at a fet fair or munch. Half the time it's wankers validating wankers! A nod and a greeting at an event and suddenly it's another "best friend" that they know really well. Then say one thing against someone in a chatroom and they scream "you don't know me!!!" - weird that isn't it! An even bigger load of bollox are people in chatrooms who say "X is a really lovely person" when they've never even met X other than in a chatroom. People can be whatever they want to be on the Internet so how the fuck can you validate someone just from their online persona!

Munches - what are they these days? Talk in any BDSM chatroom and you are told they are held in nilla pubs with nilla dress and we are told it's to meet like-minded people. I've been to many munches and find BDSM is rarely spoken about so how do I know if I am with like-minded people?
Although held in pubs and not in secret, munches should be by invitation only with a munch member vouching for the person they are bringing along. So if the new person fucks up it reflects on the reputation of the person who introduced them.
I agree munches are not play parties and are good places for newbies to come along and meet people, but please, please, please make sure the newbie at least has a concept of BDSM before inviting them along.
Many aspects of BDSM are still illegal in this country. I practice many of them. The reason I don't attend munches is because I can no longer trust that the people attending them are BDSMers. People far too easily introduce "Sir Whippem" and say "I have known him for ages" when what they mean is they have chatted in a chatroom for a few months and met last Thursday for the first time in real life at the Brixham Munch. So how do I know he's not a reporter, journalist (see Medway Munch) or writer just there for a juicy story? Or a private investigator checking up on a spouse in a messy divorce where kids are involved. People who work undercover like this will take months, even years, to groom people into accepting them into the places/groups they want to infiltrate.

By the way - if you are just a nilla swinger ignore all of the above coz it don't apply to you.

I went to a newsgroup once .. well, ok … maybe twice. I saw a mail there from a bloke who wanted a girl kidnapped, raped and hurt. Abduction and play-rape? – sounded good to me, so I replied to him. A couple of days later he sent me back a mail asking a few questions, just to check me out. I sent back my reply. He then sent me the details, who she was, where she lived, when she went out, when her mum was home etc. He said she didn't want to be involved in the arrangements and that she didn't want to know anything about me. Hmm, hang on, I thought, she doesn't know about this! I had just happily assumed that this was some guy setting up some fantasy for his wife ... but it didn't feel right … it wasn't right.
I pondered on it for a day and then went to the police.
Well that was a right laugh to start with. They seemed far more interested in who I was and what I was doing on the newsgroup. I had to rant a bit to get them to listen to what I was telling them .. and thankfully they did listen.
This guy turned out to be a nutter out to get revenge on a girl by getting her hurt … seriously hurt. He's doing time at the moment.
Strange old world isn't it.
So when you nillas tell me to live and let live, when you shrug off safety because you've come to know someone really well online, when you condescendingly dismiss me as making mountains out of molehills …. stop and think!!!!!

Lots of subs with bad 1st experiences – main causes : this is when dreams are in fluffy- cuffy land and then they've met a proper bdsmer – go to club – think it's all fet wear – dom canes or crops – maybe they've made out in chat that they can take a caning – (famous sub saying : I have some experience) note : silk scarves to bed heads is not BDSM nor is cyber!– note: if you play with a sadist you have to expect to get hurt

It is whatever you want it to be! – bollox!!! - There may not be rules but activities should fall into at least one of the 6 initial categories B=bondage D=discipline; D=domination S=submission; S=sadism M=masochism … not BDSMF ( fetish is a separate thing - not BDSM)

There is a difference between being submissive and being a sub(missive).
A sub is an assured and often assertive person – this is what they give up in their gift of submission. A sub has control of her life and will hand that control over to her dom/me
A submissive person tends to be a doormat to all and in all aspects of their life. They do not have control and therefore have nothing to hand over, expecting the dom/me to take control "for them" instead of accepting it "from them"

Leather trousers do not make a dom

Carpet doms! – these are doms who believe they have control but are being manipulated by their subs, (topping from the bottom) – these doms are generally insecure, fearing losing their partners if they demand to have their own way. Often tell their subs not to talk to others.

Trainers/mentors??? – what the fuck is this all about??? – many online who claim to be real life trainers – they say they train subs – how do you train a sub 1) submission is natural, not taught, if you have to be taught then you are playing a game 2) most teaching is online – using caps and when to say Sir and the rest of the BOLLOX that goes with it 3) some (MP) have told me that he teaches subs about the toys to be used –so do we have a situation here where subby's tied up, with new master for first time, she looks over her shoulder and says "oh Sir, You'll find a figure-of-eight best for flogging" – would it not be better to train the dom/mes since they'd be the ones using the toys. Mentors : these are fine if they are instructing in the ways of bdsm, acting as advisor/guardian looking after your r/l interests in bdsm – they are not protectors to call into a chatroom when poor little subby can't argue her corner. The only protector a sub needs in a chatroom is the ignore or exit button.

Saying the right things : how many of you have seen this – the person everyone loves, always nice, never says a bad word to anyone – does someone like that really exist?….even my local vicar hates the devil!
Beware of this type of person – they never argue because they don't want to fall out with anyone – so they compromise their principles in order to stay liked. They are not being real, honest or genuine.

SSC should not be your motto! something else is more important – honesty! If a person is not honest then how can you trust them to be safe or sane or respect your right to consent. Too often these days the SSC is used by the sub to control the Dom – this is not power exchange, it is playing at it.

© 2003 onwards : Chris (MC)

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